Justifiable Vandalism

Is it okay when the truth does not properly convey your opinions?

I don't typically endorse Wikipedia vandalism, but on election night 2006 I could not help myself. More than I wanted a Democratic majority in the Senate, I wanted the Senators Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania and George Allen of Virginia to be defeated. These are two fellows whom, after 9/11 were under the impression that there was a conservative realignment in the United States. They used this as an excuse to espouse the most vulgar misogynistic, racist, and homophobic bigotry that any prominent politician has said in my lifetime.

By August 2006 I knew that Santorum was toast, mostly because he was a right wing lunatic in a blue state, and that a well known byproduct of gay sex*1 was named after him.

*1 I am aware that this can also be a byproduct of man-on-woman anal-sex, but I haven't been able to make this work - yet.

George Allen had long been considered a contender for the Presidency, though I have no idea why. Apparently, he was a popular governor and people thought that he had a good personality. I have been watching him for years on the Sunday talk shows, and partisan differences aside, I couldn't help but feel like he personified the very essence of the political douchebag, many of whom I know on a personal basis.

Senator Allen flaunted his racism because he thought it would work in Virginia. He was known to drop the "N" bomb quite a bit in his youth. In college he got his kicks by blowing up black people's mailboxes, and presumably went to his Confederate Flag adorned house, and participated in much shirtless rednecking. During the election, he in fact used the term "Maccaca", (a Tunisian racial slur) against dark skinned Virginia residences to impress his political base of toothless backwoods crackers. Well apparently people figured out that Senator Allen was just saying "Nigger" in Tunisian, and word got around about this.

Well, despite all this I think that what really won the election for his Democratic opponent was my Wikepedia vandalism.



I don't know why, but I thought that perhaps before people went out to vote that day that they would look up George Allen on Le Wìk. I figured that if people saw that he was raped in front of his children by werewolves that voters would decide that he was not fit for office. Worse it was another non-disclosure along with his college racism and that his mother was a French speaking Jewish African. Now the Virginia electorate would have to weigh his werewolf rape against all this plus his unfortunate unwavering support of the Bush administration.

You might say to me, "Dave, retarded stuff like this is why you no longer work in politics". To you I would say, "No, it is the fact that American political culture is filled with people who inspire me to do retarded stuff like this...this is the reason I no longer work in politics." And then to me you would say, " Touche sir, you are my better".

Besides, if I ever want to get back into politics, I will call in a favor from newly elected Senator Jim Webb (D-Virginia)


*1 I am aware that this can also be a byproduct of man-on-woman anal-sex, but I haven't been able to make this work - yet.