Radar Detector Conversation

James is driving with Mike on the job. This is Mike's first day.

James: "Well you know once, I got from Muskegon to Lansing in just over an hour."

Mike: "Ha ha, oh yeah? That's nuts! That's at least 100 miles per hour most of the way."

James: "It was at least 90 most of the way, with clear roads and low traffic. There was this guy in a Dodge Charger whom I caught up with west of Grand Rapids, and I just got behind him and paced him."

Mike: "Plus you have a radar detector, right?."

James: "Oh yeah. That's what I bought with my first tax return when I turned 16. It was probably the best investment I have ever made."

Mike: "Aren't they illegal?"

James: "Nope! Not in Michigan. I guess they are illegal in places like Virginia, Delaware, and Ontatro."

Mike: "Huh! I didn't know that. You probably don't want to get caught with one though! Like, if you got pulled over."

James: "Well, you don't get caught if you have it, you know?"

Mike: "Heh, right."

James: "It's like, you don't want the fuzz to catch you with a piece. You know? But like, if the cop catches you with a piece, you just fucking cap the pig."

Mike: ::SILENCE::

James: You know?

Mike: ". . .right." (Visibly Uncomfortable)

James: "I fucking hate cops, man. They have power issues. They tend to date small statured women, often Asian. You know, someone that could never physically overpower them in bed. Someone that makes them seem...you know, big in comparison."

Mike: ::Shuffles In Seat:: "I guess."

James: "Women cops...I don't know. They are usually pretty heavy. I imagine they have extremely large dildos. Like freakishly fucking huge. You know why?"

Mike: "Why?"

James: "Because they don't respect anything that isn't physically intimidating. Like, painfully physically intimidating for most women. I'm talking, like...the thought of a bruised cervix makes them hot."

Mike: "Yeah?"

James: "Yeah! I don't think you could be interested or successful in law enforcement if you didn't have power issues. It's pretty repulsive actually."

Mike: "I suppose."

James: ::DRINKS FROM FLASK:: This weekday rush traffic is impossible to tolerate without at least a mild buzz. You know?

Mike: ::Sinks Into Seat::