The Restaurant Intervention

The Restaurant Intervention
A Strange And Harrowing Brunch

Silly Sally: [Puts Down McSaddle's manuscript] You spend too much time drinking and brooding

James McSaddle: That's my JOB now! I'm like Johnny Cash these days, c'mon.

Silly Sally: That doesn't mean its healthy!

James McSaddle: Eh, I think it is for the most part. It's good to confront things and not just bury them, you know?

Silly Sally: Drinking all the time isn't for you.

James McSaddle: Oh that's not good! I know.

Silly Sally: So fix it.

James McSaddle: Okay.

[In the span of less than one minute, James McSaddle gets up, walks out the door toward the exit door, He buys a New York Times from the machine using 5 quarters. He then does a 180°, walks back inside, and sits back in his seat at the booth with Silly Sally]

James McSaddle: Alright then, I'm all better now.

Silly Sally: [looking defeated] Good, I'm excited for you.

James McSaddle: Me too! What will life be like now?

Silly Sally: First, I advise you to shave off that horrid stash.

James McSaddle: It's gone next Saturday, before my house has that party. I have to say, the bitches just aren't digging the beard. Like, at all.

Silly Sally: Good!

James McSaddle: I might go back to stubble though.

Silly Sally: Stubble is fine. And after you do that you can take up a hobby like wood burning.

James McSaddle: No no, you can't be serious? What kind of person actually likes wood burning?

Silly Sally: My point is, you should find something.

James McSaddle: See, this is what I'm talking about. Whats the other choice? What if I give up booze, if I give up drugs, if I stop brooding? Then what? I would probably stop writing too. And after that, then what? I don't like being a walking cliché, but it fits. I don't know what else would fit me.

Silly Sally: Maybe you should find something else, because most of the time you're a stumbling cliché.

James McSaddle: Har.

Silly Sally: Like maybe get some drive and make a career happen.

James McSaddle: In what field, do tell? Supply Chain Management? Accounting? Maybe get an MBA?

Silly Sally: [Stares On With Sadness and Frustration]

James McSaddle: Maybe I'll get some new Khakis, and volunteer for Mitt Romney. I'll have to get a hair cut first...and of course I won't forget to shave.

Silly Sally: You see, what is wrong with any of those things? I mean I know you don't like Mitt Romney. . .

James McSaddle: [Interrupts Boisterously] And then ill marry a nice girl from Bloomfield Hills, perhaps the daughter of a mid level GM Executive. She will put ribbons in the hair of our flax haired tots and talk to them much the same way a little girl talks to dolls.

Silly Sally: [Rolls Eyes]

James McSaddle: Of course, true to type, she will have a steady diet of Riesling and Xanax. . and I'll look on. . . and you know what? I'll be a little nostalgic.

Silly Sally: What field you want to do?

James McSaddle: Well, you know what I'd always thought I'd be good at?

Silly Sally: What ?

James McSaddle: Drunken self-destructive poet/writer/novelist.

Silly Sally: If you're going to write you should focus on getting published.

James McSaddle: I'm doing that.

Silly Sally: Oh?

James McSaddle: Certainly.

James McSaddle: [Holds up 3/4 empty class] Another one please, love? [In a Michael Caine voice]

Waitress: Extra limes?

James McSaddle: Of course. [Smiles]

Silly Sally: [Purses lips.]