Paul McCartney, Please Return My Calls

Paul McCartney, Please Return My Calls
My First Valentines Day Sans-Woman

When I was asked by Allen to contribute something to the Pine Press this week I was at first insulted the he would even for a moment consider the possibility that I would write for a Right-Wing Ron Paul puff-piece rag like this one. Inspired by Barack Obama's call for unity, I decided that I would like to take time to talk about another transformative figure in American History and about how he had the shittiest Valentine’s Day ever.

On Valentine’s Day 1884, Teddy Roosevelt's mother died of typhoid and his wife died in childbirth on the same night. On top of losing the two most important women in his life at the age of 26, he was a father for the first time. He marked his diary for that day simply with a large "X" along with the phrase, "the light has gone out of my life". You could say that he was going through a bit of a quarter-life crisis.

Teddy Roosevelt coped with his quarter-life crisis by resigning his seat in the New York State Assembly, and going out to the Dakota's to be a cowboy, rancher and bounty hunter. These experiences shaped his personal history in such a way that it put his life story among American folklore. I dealt with quarter-life crisis by going back to college and puking all over the Phoenix House during FAMPO.

Nonetheless Valentine's Day appears to be a time of reflection whether we like it or not. The gifts we give, the plans we make, and the events that unfold with the objects of our amore on Valentine's Day tends to reveal something about how we feel about that persons role in our lives.

I have always believed that how you choose to love others reveals more about yourself than how others choose to love you. But, all the traditions around Valentines Day seem to serve as a test of how well a male can translate the prismatic complexities of love into a stuffed animal or a chunk of Zales . The females job seems mostly to consist of wearing cool underwear and ordering dessert.* I wonder if anyone else feels like Valentines Day is just kind of a MEAP test for relationships where if you don't do well, you don't get the prize.

For the first time in 6 years, I won't be taking the LoveMeap, so I should mention that those of us who will most likely spend February 14 weeping, masturbating and watching Bridget Jones' Diary over a gallon of Ben & Jerry's might have some things to think about too.

Are you better outside of a relationship? Do the lack of Romantic distractions present other potentially more enriching social possibilities? Does choosing a path with another mean you can no longer carve your own? Does the love you take truly equal the love you make even when love is unrequited? Paul McCartney, please call me back.

No matter what kind of agonizing self-reflections that you might make on Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t have it as bad as Teddy Roosevelt. Then again, you might have it worse

Happy Valentines Day!

*(As I write this I realize that some couples have two males and two females, but I am going to pretend that gender roles in same sex couples basically cancel eachother out.)