Election Season Leads To Near-Fisticuffs In French Class

John McCain Est Un Sac De Douche
Insults Are An Important Part Of The French Language, No?

The other day in French class, we were learning how to describe things. (Il est/Elle est = He is/She is).

One of the exercises included finding five ways to describe a celebrity. The choices included Will Smith, Michael Phelps, Charles De Gaule, George Bush, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin, and John McCain among others.

A fellow that sat behind me said that he was going to describe John McCain and said "Il est indépendant, Il est intelligent". Which, of course, is total bullshit in any language.

When he was done, I said "John McCain? Il est douchebag!". Most of the class laughed including the youngish instructor. I admit that it was a cheap shot and that a majority of the class was more impressed by my used of the word "douchebag" than my criticism of John McCain.

After class, the guy who lavished praise upon McCain in the language of romance walked by my desk as I was packing up to leave.

" [COUGH]douchebag[COUGH]faggot[COUGH]" he muttered.

Yep, he did the thing where he coughed an insult. What's worse is that as he did it he walked away. I was mostly offended because he thought he could insult me and that I would pretend that I didn't hear it just to avoid escalation. As Bugs Bunny said, "He don't know me too well, do he?"

"Excuse me?", I said to him. He didn't acknowledge me, and his back was to me was he walked to the teacher.

"Excuse me! Did you have something to say to me?" I said to him as I picked up my pace without his acknowledgement.

Finally, I stepped in front of him and leaned over into his face.

"Excuse me? Did you have something to say to me?"

He looked at me, but he didn't say anything. Still in front of him, I reiterated.

" Because I am right here."

"Uh, your outrageous comments, uh. . ."

"Outrageous? I think what you said was outrageous! You put your opinion out there, and so did I. I even did it in French! But you, you went ahead and insulted me, and you thought I would ignore it.

He was silent and clearly jarred.

"Maybe next time if you have something to say to me, you'll say it to my face? How's that sound?"

He didn't say anything.

I jetted off in a fuming rage, because this Pugsley Adams looking bastard draped in his American Eagle reminded me of every half-thinking spoiled Detroit-burb moron who thinks that John McCain is the cats pajamas.. He looks like the kind of guy whose interests, outside of Republican politics, include taking dates to Fazoli's and then raping them in the Pontiac Vibe that his dad, an Oakland Country lawyer, bought for him.

Obviously, politics shouldn't escalate to this kind of personal confrontation. But, I am emotionally invested in this election, and after seeing how mean spirited and ruthless the Republican's have been in winning elections and fighting the culture war, I decided that I should be no less cruel or dangerous.

It's a shame that this Preidential election has become so contentious that it almost came to fisticuffs in a French class.

But, that fucker will probably never cough & walk ever again.