Dave's Interview With Matt Lauer (Part 1)

Dave F.A.Q. Originally aired Wedseday January 8, 2007
© NBC News


Matt Lauer: You have probably never heard of him. Find out why that is. TODAY ™ we have David [omitted] in our studio. David thanks for being here. What are you doing these days?

David: I am substitute teaching, grades 3 to 12. I don't teach the younger kids because they refuse to wash their hands and they always want to hug me.

Matt Lauer: [Feigned Laughter]

David: [ Cold stare.]

Matt Lauer:: Any plans for the future?

David: I have applied to graduate schools, law schools, and I have even considerd pursuing a seccond Bacholers since I could do it at virtually no cost. Right now I am pursuing more bohemian endeavors.

Matt Lauer: So you don't know what you're doing next fall?

David: I am 100% behind continuing my education while I am still in my 20s, lest I be the fellow in class known as "creepy old guy."

Matt Lauer: [silence, shufles notes] Eh..well. . .

David: No, I'm not totally clear on what I am doing next fall. It will depend on the financial awards, assistantships and scholarships that I win.

Matt Lauer: Why don't you cut your hair?

David: Because whilst working in politics I always had to have a more professional hair-style. So now I am letting my large lusterious copper mane flourish like a wild animal with a violent and untamable lust to copulate with its own species for the first time.

Matt Lauer: [silence] [checks watch, eyes door]

CLICK HERE For Part 2!