Slim In The Leg

Edwardo: What's with the hole on the back of your jeans?

James: My other good pair are crusted because of my unfortunate jaunts through heavily salted slush puddles. I really should wash them before the salt starts to eat through them,

Edwardo: When did you decide that the jeans were unwearable?

James: I guess last Sunday. I knew that I couldn't wear the jeans again without washing them. The filth would have been a spectacle.

Edwardo: So why not wash them? You have free laundry at your place, right?

James: Well, you don't want to wash your denim too often. The oils and stuff in your skin makes the denim sort of custom fit you.

Edwardo: Ewww....gross.

James: No, I insist that this is the best way to wear jeans. Wear them at least five days a week and wash them at a maximum of once a month.

Edwardo: Why?!

James: Because, you start with somewhat snug jeans and they transform into a pair of custom fit jeans. The denim takes on your shape and it fits you better than it could ever fit anyone else. And, in fact, no one else should every wear your jeans. You should be able to wear them until the day you die.

Edwardo: Assuming that a persons waistline stays the same through the ages?

James: Maybe it's an incentive to age more gracefully. . .having old denim to serve as a reference through the decades?

Edwardo: Don't jeans change style over time? Like, wont those just look like cheap old shit in 5 to 15 years?

James: Some things change, but the kind of fit that works for you never does.

Edwardo: Given the presumption that you wont change––

James: At least there's some incentive.

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Perils Of Guilt

Mitch: (Scrolling Through eMail) "Does anyone want to work at the Sexual Assault Crisis Hotline this summer?"

James: “Hell no."

Billy: “No. How much does it pay?”

Mitch: “Ten dollars an hour.”

James: “That’s not bad at all.”

Billy: “No, it’s not. And, uhhh (sarcasm) yeah, that could be a good place to meet vulnerable women!"

James: “Yeah, but its also a good place to meet women who put out for a guy, but feel guilty about it and then in a misguided and dramatic attempt to protect herself from developing a reputation as a slut, she cries rape”

Mitch: (looks on with mild contempt, but interest while spinning through iTunes)

Billy: “That’s ridiculous! . . .But kind of true. I mean…there ARE real victims."

James: “No doubt, but it’s probably in poor taste to hit on them. Plus those girls don’t really want to be like . . .touched. . .or looked at, they cry a lot. . .and eh. . ."

Billy: (Interrupting) “That’s sick! You’re sick.”

James: “Ha ha, maybe, I speak only truth, and you know it!”

Billy: "Really though, it’s a shame that women who feel guilty do shit like that, it takes away from the real problem.”

James: “You mean women that are really getting assaulted and need real help?”

Billy: “Yeah”

James: “I agree.”

Mitch: “Hell yeah. That’s seriously fucked up.”

Billy: “Guilt gets in the way of people having a good time in general. Like, people avoid things they like because they will feel guilty about it."

Mitch: (Turns away from iTunes) “Yeah, and when they do finally give in to something they want, and even if their actions aren’t actually harmful, their guilt creates a false need for consequences; which always includes but is seldom limited to ending the pursuit of things they enjoy."

James: “Not only are people failing to give into things they like and want, but these social constructs are punishing those who are are audacious enough to violate antiquated and harmful social mores."

Mitch: "Yeah!"

Billy: (nods) "Pretty much."

James: “So I dunno. What do we do about that?”

Billy: "I guess all you can do is try to hang out with people who are down with things you’re down with without isolating yourself so much that you’re just kind of around the same kind of people all the time."

Mitch: "I guess."

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