Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts

Employee Discount

Employee Discount

After Barbra finished her G.E.D, she was able to make enough money as a waitress at the Hominy Diner to get a place of her own in Purcell with her new baby. She went there because she wanted to be "close" (about an hour) to "the city" (Oklahoma City). She landed a job at the new Wal•Mart Super-Center where she started in the stock room and moved up to a cashier position and made an honest if not affluent living.

She lived in a small apartment above the house of a chain-smoking widow before she ended up getting impregnated, married and re-impregnated by Russ, the Assistant Manager, all within 2 years. She moved into Russ's large modular home on an open lot with a man-made pond. It wasn't a bad life, but before their three year anniversary Russ, who was being investigated for running meth to Langston, blew his brains out with a shotgun that he bought with his employee discount.

The Audacity Of Don't

The Audacity Of Don't


Some people like to boast that they don’t
drink or do drugs
or that they’re proud virgins into their twenties
or that they don’t eat meat or enjoy soft drinks
or they don’t watch TV, or stay up too late
and
they don’t sleep in, or put out on the first date.
What kind of person
decides who they are based
on what they don’t do?
Who on their deathbed denounces adventure,
endeavor, excellence, and enlightenment?
I’ll tell you who it is!:
it’s smug bitches and bastards, devoid of courage
fashioning virtue out of necessity;
because for those folks comfort rivals passion
and
timidity prevails.


Skills As Pills

Pills As Skills


The skill is the pill

t
hat lends to knowing
where it is you're going
a
and where

you'll get your next thrill.



The Culture War Lives

A CULTURAL IMPASSE:
My Failed Attempt To Plan A Vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama

Chat Information: You are now chatting with 'Linda K.'

Linda K: Good afternoon. How may I help you today?

Mr. Trudeau: Hey there, I am wondering if there are any good places to have a Beach-infused Spring Break experience on the Gulf Coast Alabama...this is going to be early March when we go.

Linda K: I am sure you can find something available at that time. How many nights do you plan to stay, and how many will be with you?

Mr. Trudeau: Well, I am wondering if the temperatures will accommodate a beach vacation...and if there will be other young people there out to cut loose

Linda K: Our market is Families--young people will be here with there families--this is not like Panama City Fl.

Mr. Trudeau: So there aren’t any young folks out for booze and loose women/muscley studs?

Linda K: I beg your pardon--no lose women here—

Mr. Trudeau: NONE? I find that hard to believe.

(Prolonged Silence)

Linda K: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Mr. Trudeau: I mean, I know Alabama is about two centuries behind the rest of civilization but there HAS to be a culture for college kids . . .

Linda K: We are not behind--maybe you should be looking for something other than what you mentioned.

Mr. Trudeau: Well I mean, I’m young so I do the things young people do. You know?

Linda K : We have a great beach resort--lots of things to do for fun and great seafood restaurants.

Mr. Trudeau: That’s great! I love Seafood

Linda K : There is plenty of things to do for the young and young at heart here on the Al. beautiful Gulf Coast.

Mr. Trudeau: I have another question.....I have a Barack Obama bumper sticker on my car...are there any particular herbs or repellents I can put around my car to keep the locals away?

Mr. Trudeau: I think if they saw my car they might think it's some kind of space-ship and be inflamed to rage upon seeing my support for Mr. Obama

Linda K : I do not understand your remarks.

Mr. Trudeau: I just don't want to go there unprepared , I know it's a different culture

Linda K : I think you may be the one with the problem with having a bumper sticker for him. This is a free country--support is your choice.

Linda K : I do know where you are from--but it is not a different culture here from any place I have traveled here in the US

Mr. Trudeau: Yeah....see I just don't want a pitchfork in my tire

Mr. Trudeau: Are there any popular Brothels on the Gulf Coast?

Linda K : I have other people to help that are interested in our area. I have your info so my supervisor can contact you.

Mr. Trudeau: That’s fine

Linda K : Do you need her to contact you?

Mr. Trudeau:
sure. email is best, or she can call my cell.

Linda K : You can call her or me free--800-745-7263

Mr. Trudeau:Is it true that in Alabama I can beat up a black man and not go to jail?

Linda K : I am not responding to you any longer

Mr. Trudeau:ONE more thing. And it’s serious.

Linda K: . . . alright.

Mr. Trudeau: I don't like seeing the Ten Commandments Posted publicly, if I call ahead will they cover it up for me by the time I get there?


Chat Information: Chat session was ended by site operator.


Is This Too Much To Ask?

The Restaurant Intervention

The Restaurant Intervention
A Strange And Harrowing Brunch


Silly Sally:
[Puts Down McSaddle's manuscript] You spend too much time drinking and brooding

James McSaddle: That's my JOB now! I'm like Johnny Cash these days, c'mon.

Silly Sally: That doesn't mean its healthy!

James McSaddle: Eh, I think it is for the most part. It's good to confront things and not just bury them, you know?

Silly Sally: Drinking all the time isn't for you.

James McSaddle: Oh that's not good! I know.

Silly Sally: So fix it.

James McSaddle: Okay.

[In the span of less than one minute, James McSaddle gets up, walks out the door toward the exit door, He buys a New York Times from the machine using 5 quarters. He then does a 180°, walks back inside, and sits back in his seat at the booth with Silly Sally]

James McSaddle: Alright then, I'm all better now.

Silly Sally: [looking defeated] Good, I'm excited for you.

James McSaddle: Me too! What will life be like now?

Silly Sally: First, I advise you to shave off that horrid stash.

James McSaddle: It's gone next Saturday, before my house has that party. I have to say, the bitches just aren't digging the beard. Like, at all.

Silly Sally: Good!

James McSaddle: I might go back to stubble though.

Silly Sally: Stubble is fine. And after you do that you can take up a hobby like wood burning.

James McSaddle: No no, you can't be serious? What kind of person actually likes wood burning?

Silly Sally: My point is, you should find something.

James McSaddle: See, this is what I'm talking about. Whats the other choice? What if I give up booze, if I give up drugs, if I stop brooding? Then what? I would probably stop writing too. And after that, then what? I don't like being a walking cliché, but it fits. I don't know what else would fit me.

Silly Sally: Maybe you should find something else, because most of the time you're a stumbling cliché.

James McSaddle: Har.

Silly Sally: Like maybe get some drive and make a career happen.

James McSaddle: In what field, do tell? Supply Chain Management? Accounting? Maybe get an MBA?

Silly Sally: [Stares On With Sadness and Frustration]

James McSaddle: Maybe I'll get some new Khakis, and volunteer for Mitt Romney. I'll have to get a hair cut first...and of course I won't forget to shave.

Silly Sally: You see, what is wrong with any of those things? I mean I know you don't like Mitt Romney. . .

James McSaddle: [Interrupts Boisterously] And then ill marry a nice girl from Bloomfield Hills, perhaps the daughter of a mid level GM Executive. She will put ribbons in the hair of our flax haired tots and talk to them much the same way a little girl talks to dolls.

Silly Sally: [Rolls Eyes]

James McSaddle: Of course, true to type, she will have a steady diet of Riesling and Xanax. . and I'll look on. . . and you know what? I'll be a little nostalgic.

Silly Sally: What field you want to do?

James McSaddle: Well, you know what I'd always thought I'd be good at?

Silly Sally: What ?

James McSaddle: Drunken self-destructive poet/writer/novelist.

Silly Sally: If you're going to write you should focus on getting published.

James McSaddle: I'm doing that.

Silly Sally: Oh?

James McSaddle: Certainly.

James McSaddle: [Holds up 3/4 empty class] Another one please, love? [In a Michael Caine voice]

Waitress: Extra limes?

James McSaddle: Of course. [Smiles]

Silly Sally: [Purses lips.]

The Kitchenette Hotel

The Kitchenette Hotel
and why you wont run into Mitt Romney there.


What I would really like to do right now is lock myself in a Kitchenette Motel somewhere in the mountains. Maybe Colorado or Nevada. This idea is inspired in part by Jack Kerouac's Big Sur, which I am currently borrowing from my housemate. Apparently Ol' Jack went up to Big Sur to cope with a nervous breakdown and/or to detox from alcoh
ol. . .I'm not sure if he got any writing done while he was there.

I wonder if those with artistic tendencies are pre-disposed toward substance abuse, or if merely the established culture of Bohemianism makes it part of the business. I imagine that if you led an ordinary life devoid of crisis, conflict, breakdowns and relapses you wouldn't have too much to write about. Not much worth reading anyway. I feel as though if Fitzgerald were alive today that he would at least embrace the recreational use of NyQuil™; it is after all the absinthe for the new crop of faux-Lost Generation writers.

Last night before bed, I laid on my futon with a note pad, trying to assimilate a couple of ideas together for a story that I'd like to write. Frustrated, I turned the television on to C-Span where Mitt Romney was
doing a Town Hall forum in Cedar Rapids Iowa. A guy like Mitt Romney could never produce a novel, short story, or even a Presidential memoir worth reading; not because he is devoid of psychosis, but because he isn't the sort of guy to acknowledge it and work with it.

Willard "Mitt" Romney
is certainly not the kind of fellow who would still have a pulse if he defied the Grand Wizard of his local Church and experimented with something like NyQuil.His suits are impeccable, his hair is flawlessly parted, and he has a handsome functional family. But no such things are what they seem and no doubt the Romney family has dark and troubling secrets, which is perhaps the cornerstone of Mormon culture. Like a Norman Rockwell painting, Mitt Romney embodies cold logic, crass literalism, and a tragic artifice built upon an erroneous foundation of American perfection and exceptionalism.

I hope you'll thank Mitt Romney to leave the writing to me.

Overheard During The GRE

Overheard During The GRE

Mike: So the last few weeks I have been packing my bowl with this the eraser end of this D.A.R.E. pencil I came upon. . . .

Brad: . . .yes?

Mike: Well to make a long story short, guess who smoked about half of a pencil eraser?

Brad: When they start this test anyway brough?....not to interrupt or anything.. .I just studied for it and I want it to be over with.

Cookie Monster Is Hardly A Monster At All

Cookie Monster Is Hardly A Monster At All

Cookie monster himself has been saying
that cookies are a sometimes food.
But his restraint
calls into question
whether he's any kind of monster at all.

Drug Monsters
are shooting up and smoking down

Sex Monsters
are thrusting in and pulling out.

Greed Monsters
are making bank on man's anguish.

Hate Monsters
invade deserts and kill Arabs.

Vain Monsters
are getting nips, tucks, and Botox™.

Death Monsters
are living fast, but not for long.

Their food is an always food all of the time;
it's endless devouring like it's no crime.

The Donor Liver

The Donor Liver

I wonder how someone waiting for a
donor liver might feel about my life.
They'd say I should be in jail
maybe that I should be dead

Two fifths of 92 proof rum in two days
When I should have got therapy instead
6 felonies committed
Not one less, and maybe more

A drunk drive that's now no more than a haze
Trying to drive from the things in my head
Through campus and to her place
I drove fine, I watched my speed.

My latest female said I was crazy
So that's why she threw an ashtray at my head
And left a hole in her wall
and one in my heart to match

I got two slices of spinach-feta
And a big-ol' drink that was flavored red.
It was made even better
With some good Coconut rum

I stole Two-hundred dollars worth of books
I piled them in my arms and fled
My thanks to Barnes & Noble.
Readings' better when it's free.

I saw that tall, gray eyed ex-Girlfriend too
on a date, this time with a girl instead.
I pounded on the window
and gave them each the finger

I drove off and didn't see even one cop.
I drove slow, and merged to traffic ahead.
At home, I poured some more rum
and brooded about the girl

Sailor Jerry didn't turn my brain off.
Magic mushrooms opened it up, I spread
out, giggled and faced Jor-El
He prepared me for my death.

But I lived and had another day
of drinking, insanity, and of dread.
The next night was nearly worse
but I shan't talk about that.


A Cautionary Tale

Luna The Rubbish Raccoona: A Cautionary Tale

Look At Luna Raccoona!
Rumaging Through That Rubbish
Counting down the time

Till You're Rubbish Too
Counting on your Penny Well Wish,
Crawling while you climb
That is what you'll do!
From Aimes To Altoona!


Free Speech Is Supposed To Be Disruptive. How Else Could It Inspire Change?
This week the United States Supreme Court* heard arguments on the U.S. Court of Appeals case, Morse V. Fredrick, better known as the "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case.

*It turns out that the Supreme Court is just a regular court with sour cream and tomatoes.
As a high school senior, Joseph Frederick was suspended for 10 days for displaying a banner that said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus". He did this across the street from his high school during the 2002 Winter Olympics Torch Relay.The council for the school district is Kenneth Star who is the former Clinton Impeachment Czar, Chief Player Hater, and now a federally appointed buzz kill. Starr has said that schools "do not have to tolerate a message that is inconsistent with its basic educational mission".

As Justice Alito said, "I find that a very, very disturbing argument. . .because schools have defined their educational mission so broadly that they can suppress all kinds of political speech". Which is absolutely true. A school could define that their educational mission is to be fiscally responsible and that criticism of the schools continued use of antiquated history books printed during the Eisnehower administration is in conflict with the schools "educational mission".**
** We all know the true purpose of public schools has devolved into keeping half-witted bureaucrats and administrators employed.
I was a senior in high school during the tragic murder-suicides at Columbine High School. Weeks after Columbine, a student from my high school was suspended because, outside of school he was suspected of possessing firearms that were not registered.

During art class I made the remark that, "It doesn't make sense that they would suspend him, because his time out of school only gives him more time and opportunity to plot our violent and bloody demise". I was critical of school policy through a satirical remark. It was not obscene and it did not present a clear and present danger. I was suspended for three days because I made an effective criticism of Principal Douchebag's*** poor decision making. I threatened to contact the ACLU, but they made it clear to me that they were in a position to fuck with me in numerous ways, regarding things including but not limited college admissions.
*** Names have been changed to protect the douchey.
We should all be concerned about this not just because students rights are at risk, but the wrong decision on this case could set an ugly precedent. Essentially the criteria for limiting the speech in this case is that if the said speech is disruptive to the goals and ideas of a government institution then it is not protected. Will this prevent newspapers and full grown adults from being able to criticize the White House, Congress, The Supreme Court, the schools, and the IRS? Will this author be sent to Gitmo based upon this blogpost? Maybe, he could use the sunshine and ocean views, though he is not so much interested in the electrical testicular trauma and water-boarding.

The Deputy Soliciter General Edwin Kneedler said that they might pursue a ruleing that would narrowly limit speech that they say advocates drug use.

First, how do you get that out of this case? The banner "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" promotes drug use about as much as it promotes Jesus. Second, is it so wrong for a student to be critical of a school or government's drug policy? It can be argued that that drug policy in the U.S. is shallow, condescending, racist, inaccurate and hypocritical. If this particular topic is not protected speech would it not appear that no topic is protected speech?

What it will come down to is whether or not the Olympic Torch Relay was a school event and if the banner was disruptive. The main reason why speech is protected is because thoughts and ideas are powerful. Critisisim is the ultimate enemy of tyrants and oppressors. Free thought, free assembly and a free press are the pre-eminent players in the marketplace of ideas that moves our civilization forward.

The "Tinker Test" based on the landmark Tinker v. Des Moines ruling from 1969, which defined a student's first amendment rights. The 7 to 2 ruling said that the schools must have a constitutionally valid reason for limiting free speech.


The Tinker case came from three students who wished to protest the Vietnam war by wearing black armbands with peace signs. The students were suspended for this action based on the idea that they were disruptive. The majority opinion said that the students were unjustly suspended, ". . .based upon an urgent wish to avoid the controversy which might result from the expression". Ultimately the Tinker Test says that sometimes Free Speech can cause controversy but if it doesn't cause a profound disruption to classroom activities, such speech is protected.

If this Supreme Court has any regard for court precedent, it will vindicate Joesph Fredrick. He will then be able to sue the school district for millions of dollars and he will have a lifetime supply of Funions and he will be able to live out the rest of his life playing XBox.

God Bless America. And may his son toke it.

And then the LORD said, "Duuuuuuuuuuude I ate so many communion wafers, you have no effing idea!".