How You Do
What Does That Say About You?

How it is you love others
says a lot more about who you are
than how others love you.
We can learn from our mothers
how unending love is like a scar:
forged by pain and healing
and while it stops bleeding
you can't stop that feeling.
Because how you hurt yourself
says more about who you are
than how others hurt you.

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Paul McCartney, Please Return My Calls
My First Valentines Day Sans-Woman

When I was asked by Allen to contribute something to the Pine Press this week I was at first insulted the he would even for a moment consider the possibility that I would write for a Right-Wing Ron Paul puff-piece rag like this one. Inspired by Barack Obama's call for unity, I decided that I would like to take time to talk about another transformative figure in American History and about how he had the shittiest Valentine’s Day ever.

On Valentine’s Day 1884, Teddy Roosevelt's mother died of typhoid and his wife died in childbirth on the same night. On top of losing the two most important women in his life at the age of 26, he was a father for the first time. He marked his diary for that day simply with a large "X" along with the phrase, "the light has gone out of my life". You could say that he was going through a bit of a quarter-life crisis.

Teddy Roosevelt coped with his quarter-life crisis by resigning his seat in the New York State Assembly, and going out to the Dakota's to be a cowboy, rancher and bounty hunter. These experiences shaped his personal history in such a way that it put his life story among American folklore. I dealt with quarter-life crisis by going back to college and puking all over the Phoenix House during FAMPO.

Nonetheless Valentine's Day appears to be a time of reflection whether we like it or not. The gifts we give, the plans we make, and the events that unfold with the objects of our amore on Valentine's Day tends to reveal something about how we feel about that persons role in our lives.

I have always believed that how you choose to love others reveals more about yourself than how others choose to love you. But, all the traditions around Valentines Day seem to serve as a test of how well a male can translate the prismatic complexities of love into a stuffed animal or a chunk of Zales . The females job seems mostly to consist of wearing cool underwear and ordering dessert.* I wonder if anyone else feels like Valentines Day is just kind of a MEAP test for relationships where if you don't do well, you don't get the prize.

For the first time in 6 years, I won't be taking the LoveMeap, so I should mention that those of us who will most likely spend February 14 weeping, masturbating and watching Bridget Jones' Diary over a gallon of Ben & Jerry's might have some things to think about too.

Are you better outside of a relationship? Do the lack of Romantic distractions present other potentially more enriching social possibilities? Does choosing a path with another mean you can no longer carve your own? Does the love you take truly equal the love you make even when love is unrequited? Paul McCartney, please call me back.

No matter what kind of agonizing self-reflections that you might make on Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t have it as bad as Teddy Roosevelt. Then again, you might have it worse

Happy Valentines Day!

*(As I write this I realize that some couples have two males and two females, but I am going to pretend that gender roles in same sex couples basically cancel eachother out.)

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Knowing Better

Knowing better has a way of spoiling the fun
that only ignorance can bring.
Biting into Domino's
knowing there is better pizza
Drinking Captain Morgan
When you could have had some Sailor's
Kissing a women just to fuck
when you've kissed and meant it before
Knowing better shows you what a mess you have made
but it doesn't clean it up much.

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Life Between Haircuts

I feel like I could use a haircut
but I wonder how much it could
truly change my life.
Last time I had one, nothing changed
I was still poor
I was still stuck
I was still mad
I was still lost
Don't get me wrong, I'll still go get one
But, there is no trim, gel, or scalp massage
that will set me on course elsewhere
I'll still want
I'll still yearn
I'll still yell
And I will
still wonder.

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A CULTURAL IMPASSE:
My Failed Attempt To Plan A Vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama

Chat Information: You are now chatting with 'Linda K.'

Linda K: Good afternoon. How may I help you today?

Mr. Trudeau: Hey there, I am wondering if there are any good places to have a Beach-infused Spring Break experience on the Gulf Coast Alabama...this is going to be early March when we go.

Linda K: I am sure you can find something available at that time. How many nights do you plan to stay, and how many will be with you?

Mr. Trudeau: Well, I am wondering if the temperatures will accommodate a beach vacation...and if there will be other young people there out to cut loose

Linda K: Our market is Families--young people will be here with there families--this is not like Panama City Fl.

Mr. Trudeau: So there aren’t any young folks out for booze and loose women/muscley studs?

Linda K: I beg your pardon--no lose women here—

Mr. Trudeau: NONE? I find that hard to believe.

(Prolonged Silence)

Linda K: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Mr. Trudeau: I mean, I know Alabama is about two centuries behind the rest of civilization but there HAS to be a culture for college kids . . .

Linda K: We are not behind--maybe you should be looking for something other than what you mentioned.

Mr. Trudeau: Well I mean, I’m young so I do the things young people do. You know?

Linda K : We have a great beach resort--lots of things to do for fun and great seafood restaurants.

Mr. Trudeau: That’s great! I love Seafood

Linda K : There is plenty of things to do for the young and young at heart here on the Al. beautiful Gulf Coast.

Mr. Trudeau: I have another question.....I have a Barack Obama bumper sticker on my car...are there any particular herbs or repellents I can put around my car to keep the locals away?

Mr. Trudeau: I think if they saw my car they might think it's some kind of space-ship and be inflamed to rage upon seeing my support for Mr. Obama

Linda K : I do not understand your remarks.

Mr. Trudeau: I just don't want to go there unprepared , I know it's a different culture

Linda K : I think you may be the one with the problem with having a bumper sticker for him. This is a free country--support is your choice.

Linda K : I do know where you are from--but it is not a different culture here from any place I have traveled here in the US

Mr. Trudeau: Yeah....see I just don't want a pitchfork in my tire

Mr. Trudeau: Are there any popular Brothels on the Gulf Coast?

Linda K : I have other people to help that are interested in our area. I have your info so my supervisor can contact you.

Mr. Trudeau: That’s fine

Linda K : Do you need her to contact you?

Mr. Trudeau: sure. email is best, or she can call my cell.

Linda K : You can call her or me free--800-745-7263

Mr. Trudeau:Is it true that in Alabama I can beat up a black man and not go to jail?

Linda K : I am not responding to you any longer

Mr. Trudeau:ONE more thing. And it’s serious.

Linda K: . . . alright.

Mr. Trudeau: I don't like seeing the Ten Commandments Posted publicly, if I call ahead will they cover it up for me by the time I get there?

Chat Information: Chat session was ended by site operator.

Is This Too Much To Ask?

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Love, Leadership, and Courage

Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?


Expediency asks the question - is it politic?


Vanity asks the question - is it popular?


But conscience asks the question - is it right?


And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right. – MLK

Let's Put Martin Luther King Jr. on the $20.00 Bill !

To Sign The Petition CLICK HERE
To Join The Facebook Group CLICK HERE

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The Pick-Up Artist

I Can Has Pussy!?

Mystery: So, okay here is my super-ultimate no fail move.

Kevair: ::gulp::

Mystery: Okay, so you walk up to the girl, and you touch her two finger tips on her forefingers with YOUR two fingertips on each your forefingers.

Kevair: What?

Mystery: And then you stare her right in the eyes like you're an owl, and you don't break your intense gaze.

Kevair: In the eyes?

Mystery: And then you say to her. . . "I once arm wrestled George Harrison. . .from the Beatles.

Kevair: A lot of girls my age don't know who that is. . .

Mystery: Right, well maybe I'll take advice from you? Right? Like, I think you can like teach a How-To-Be-A Virgin course if you want, I don't think we would be after the same client pool if you know what I mean.

Kevair: What?

Mystery: ::SLAPS KEVIAR IN THE MOUTH::

Kevair: Arrrahhh! What the FUCK man?

Mystery: ::grabs Kevair by the hair:: Listen to me you fuck-weed piece of shit, you think because I wear a furry Velour-lined top-hat and eyeliner that I won't fucking kill you?!

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The New Hampshire Primary
I Pay Attention So You Don't Have To

DEMOCRATS

Obama: by nearly 40%
Hillary: will come in around 30 or below
Edwards: will hover around 20%.

REPUBLICANS

McCain: 27%(?)
Romney: 24%(?)
Huckabee: 14%
Rudy: 12%
Paul: 10%



Democrats

Obama appears to have been able to turn his large Iowa victory and Hillary's huge loss into a major case that he owns the mantle of change and that he is in fact more electable than Hillary. Let’s call this O-Mentum.

After this, look for the Nevada Culinary Workers' Union to endorse Barry-O and give him a boost in Nevada Primary, which will be held 11 days later on the 19th. Will he win? Who knows, maybe.

Hillary will fight in Nevada, but she might as well not visit South Carolina, because the Democratic electorate is 60% African American, and they are breaking overwhelmingly for Obama, and they will do so exceptionally more so if they see that he won too white-bread states like Iowa and NH.

Hillary is going to look right ahead to the Feb 5. Super-Tuesday states with a retooled campaign with staff and surrogates. She can do well in the North East, and probably in New York .

BUT, if Obama is 3-0 in Iowa, NH, and S.C…. Hillary is going to have a hard time convincing people to give donate to her sinking campaign, and Obama is going to be able to outspend her like mad, and in big States like Missouri, California, Illinois, New York etc. .TV campaigns are important, and to have a TV campaign you need $$S

Also, the black populations in the big cities in those large and not so large states are going to have to want to support Sen. Obama. I am talking L.A., San Francisco, San Diego, San Jose, Chicago, Boston, New York City, St. Louis, Nashville, Memphis, Mobile, Tupelo, Biloxi, Newark, Trenton, New Haven. . .Hillary is going to have a hard time moving urban populations in her favor.

If Hillary is to live another day, she must stop Obama tonight or hope that he ends his own career with some profound mistake.

Republicans

Character Vs. Issues = McCain Vs. Romney

Despite how effing awesome Obama is, the Republican race is a lot more suspenseful.

Because of this, I have about half as much confidence in my GOP projections as I do my Dem projections . . .because I think Romney might do better than this because in GOP post-debate focus groups, undecided Republicans and Republican Independents are breaking for Mitt on the issues of taxes and immigration.

Everyone expects John McCain to win this one, so he kind of has too. The big question today is how many Independent voters want to break for Obama vs. McCain given that they have until they show up at the polling place to choose

If Obamamania has swept NH unaffiliated voters, Romney could live to fight another day in Michigan, and whoever wins Michigan will get to knife-fight Huckabee in S.C.

If Romney finds a way to edge out McCain (which is possible but a long shot)...Huckabee has a great shot at becoming the nominee, because he is going to do well in S.C. and the Feb. 5 redneck States, where his chief Rival will be a weakened Rudy G.

If Romney, Huckabee, Mitt, and Rudy G are dukeing it out until Feb 5. . .we might see a brokered convention, and we might not know who the Republican nominees for President will be until September 2008, when the GOP holds their convention in the Twin Cities, MN.

I pay attention, so you don’t have too.

You’re welcome.

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Hate & Fear May Win Elections
But They Don't Produce Results

Barack Obama was born four years before black Americans won the right to vote with the Voting Rights Act. That same man in that same country now stands poised to lead it.

In Iowa, Barack Obama has passed his first test on his way to the White House. More importantly, the American people have passed their first test toward empowering themselves in the post-Bush era. What happened last night in Iowa is a testament to what can happen when people demand change. It stands in great contrast to the politics of fear and hopelessness perpetrated by the Bush administration over the past seven years.

After 9/11 George W. Bush could have appealed to the better angels of our nature by uniting the country and the world against the threats that we face around the globe. Instead, he employed the politics of division and fear to consolidate his power and assure himself re-election.

While this brand of negative politics did help Bush edge out a victory in the 2004 election, it has failed him in the governance of this nation.

George Bush's politics produced an underwhelming response to al-Qaeda and international terrorism and it has instead thrown our nation into two wars that we are losing.

It has enabled corporate greed and worsened the economic challenges of those who were already suffering.

It has given us the largest national debt and the largest deficits in our history while doing absolutely nothing to empower people who struggle to do better.

It has put American citizens under surveillance and has attempted to make enemies of the state out of George Bush and Dick Cheney's political opposition.

It has produced an embarrassing government overreach in response to personal decisions of Terri Schiavo's family and it has produced a critical failure of the government to help and protect the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

Hate and fear may win elections, but they don't produce results when it is time to get things done.

Barack Obama offers the greatest departure from the Bush Administration just as we need it. When Obama was down in the polls and looking defeated through the spring, the summer and the autumn, he rejected calls from pundits and establishment hacks to employ nasty slash and burn tactics. Rather, in the most positive way possible, he drew contrasts between himself and opponents and made an argument about what kind of country we could be. He didn't tap into anger and he didn't tap into hate. By identifying the problems we face and offering solutions, Mr. Obama tapped into hope and promise.

As someone who worked in politics for a number of years, I have seen cowardice where I wished there was courage. I have seen it from both Republicans and Democrats, even Democrats I have worked for.

I have seen rancor where I should have seen deliberation.

I have seen partisanship where I should have seen thoughtfulness.

I have seen darkness in American politics, and for too long I have seen establishment politicians add to that darkness.

Sen. Obama knows that when there is darkness that you defeat it not by turning up the heat, but rather turning on the light. I am confident that this brand of politics will not only deliver a victory but that it will also produce results when Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th President of The United States.

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Obama Wins Iowa:
Why Everyone Has A Reason To celebrate.

Posted January 3, 2008 | 09:30 PM (EST) by Arianna Huffington at the Huffington Post

---

Even if your candidate didn't win tonight, you have reason to celebrate. We all do.

Barack Obama's stirring victory in Iowa -- down home, folksy, farm-fed, Midwestern, and 92 percent white Iowa -- says a lot about America, and also about the current mindset of the American voter.

Because tonight voters decided that they didn't want to look back. They wanted to look into the future -- as if a country exhausted by the last seven years wanted to recapture its youth.

Bush's re-election in 2004 was a monument to the power of fear and fear-mongering. Be Very Afraid was Bush/Cheney's Plans A thru Z. The only card in the Rove-dealt deck. And it worked. America, its vision distorted by the mushroom clouds conjured by Bush and Cheney, made a collective sprint to the bomb shelters in our minds, our lizard brains responding to fear rather than hope.

And the Clintons -- their Hillary-as-incumbent-strategy sputtering -- followed the Bush blueprint in Iowa and played the fear card again and again and again.

Be afraid of Obama, they warned us. Be afraid of something new, something different. He might meet with our enemies. His middle name is Hussein. He went to a madrassa school. A vote for him would be like rolling the dice, the former president said on Charlie Rose.

And the people of Iowa heard him, and chose to roll the dice.

Obama's win might not have legs. Hope could give way to fear once again. But, for tonight at least, it holds a mirror up to the face of America, and we can look at ourselves with pride. This is the kind of country America was meant to be, even if you are for Clinton or Edwards -- or even Huckabee or Giuliani.

It's the kind of country we've always imagined ourselves being -- even if in the last seven years we fell horribly short: a young country, an optimistic country, a forward-looking country, a country not afraid to take risks or to dream big.

Bill Clinton has privately told friends that if Hillary didn't win, it would be because of the two weeks that followed her shaky performance in the Philadelphia debate.

But it wasn't those two weeks. Indeed, if we were to pinpoint one decisive moment, it would be Bill Clinton on Charlie Rose, arrogant and entitled, dismissive and fear-mongering. And then Bill Clinton giving us a refresher course in '90s-style truth-twisting and obfuscation -- making stuff about always having been against the war, and about Hillary having always been for every good decision during his presidency and against every bad one, from Ireland to Sarajevo to Rwanda.

So voters in Iowa remembered the past and decided that they didn't want to go back. They wanted to move ahead. Even if that meant rolling the dice.

Again, this moment may not last. But, for tonight, I am going to savor it -- and cross my fingers that it may stand as the day that fear as a winning political tactic died. Killed by an "unlikely candidate" -- as Obama called himself again and again -- who seized the moment, and reminded America of its youth and the optimism it longs to recapture.

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Dear Iowa:

Please don't fuck us over again. Thanks!

-D. James McSaddle

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THE DINNER REUNION

Philippe Mulroney: This place has a great menu; I came here with a bunch of friends the other day.

Armelle Cherise: When did you get back into town?

Philippe Mulroney: Thursday.

Armelle Cherise: How was home?

Philippe Mulroney: Awkward, unpleasant, but you know, no surprises.

Armelle Cherise: You're so negative about your upbringing . . .

Philippe Mulroney: It’s a sad town with a lot of bad memories, why do you think my visits are so infrequent?

Armelle Cherise: It was less than a week in the place you grew up; you can't handle doing that once in a while for your mother?

Philippe Mulroney: That is pretty much the only reason to visit there. It's the only reason anyone would visit there except for tourist season.

Armelle Cherise: It didn't seem so bad when we went those few times.

Philippe Mulroney: Well, we went during tourist season, and we spent all our time at the beach and in the woods. They have great beaches, the traffic isn't too intense. It's a great place to spend a summer. But there is no reason for anyone to live there unless they are a foundry worker, or a tool and dye maker.

Armelle Cherise: Or a teacher?

Philippe Mulroney: If you like a quiet, uncultured life then I suppose it would be a fine place for a teacher too.

Armelle Cherise: Oh come on....

Philippe Mulroney: I'm serious. That town is indifferent to it's own survival, it's ignorant of what it has become. Billow Lake has fallen into oblivion. And like a manged cat before the gas, soon it will be spared the torture of its own self-awareness.

Armelle Cherise: If I wanted something uncomfortably heavy I would have ordered the Steak Dianne.

Philippe Mulroney: Well I knew you wouldn’t order that.

Armelle Cherise: Because I'm off red meat?

Philippe Mulroney: Sure there is that, but also, you would have had to ordered a red wine, which you never drink. Also, you don't like anything to be heavy, even when it is.

Philippe Mulroney: (Raises Brow) How about you? How was home for you? Make any lifelong memories?

Armelle Cherise: I remember sitting on my Grandfathers bed, crying. It had a urine stain on it.

Philippe Mulroney: A good as place as any for you to turn tricks I suppose. I hope you turn tricks better than you pick candidates to support. :: cackles lightly:: What am I talking about? Of course you do.

Armelle Cherise: My grandfather died.

Philippe Mulroney: (Stunned) I'm sorry. How are you handling it?

Armelle Cherise: I'm handling it.

Philippe Mulroney: I guess sometimes the most you can hope for is that they find peace in death that they couldn’t find when they were living.

Armelle Cherise: I find my peace with chemicals. I'm more worried about my grandmother.

Philippe Mulroney: (Nods, listens)

Armelle Cherise: Life, death, not living, not dying. It's all complicated.

Philippe Mulroney: That sounds pretty uncomplicated, truth be told.

Armelle Cherise: Maybe.

Philippe Mulroney: My grandfather died a week before that Senate race two years ago. There were too many emotions running to have either a proper funeral or a proper campaign after that.

Armelle Cherise: (Her eyes well up with tears as she nods slowly).

Waitress: Are you ready to order?

Philippe Mulroney: I think so. Armelle?

Armelle Cherise: Yes...another glass of the Chablis. And. . . I’ll have the Chicken Avocado.

Waitress: Chef or Caesar salad?

Armelle Cherise: Caesar please.

Philippe Mulroney: Grilled swordfish please.

Waitress: Chef or Caesar salad?

Philippe Mulroney: Caesar.

Waitress: Another glass of the Chablis?

Philippe Mulroney: Could you 86 her glass and bring us a bottle

Armelle Cherise: (Raises brow)

Waitress: Ill be right back with your carafe of Chablis.

Philippe Mulroney: Thank you

Armelle Cherise: Are you trying to get me drunk?

Philippe Mulroney: (Laughs) No, why would I want you to be drunk? You’re a terrible drunk

Armelle Cherise: Because having your company inebriated makes you feel like less of a drunk?

Philippe Mulroney: Is that your theory?

Armelle Cherise: That’s part of it.

Philippe Mulroney: What's the other part?

Armelle Cherise: The other part . . .you'll think ill of me for saying.

Philippe Mulroney: I already think ill of you.

Armelle Cherise: Oh really? Do you? Is that why you're trying to drink me into bed?

Philippe Mulroney: Drink you into bed? I don't appreciate that accusation seeing as last time you weren't drunk at all.

Armelle Cherise: No? Well I must have been on something.

Philippe Mulroney: That wouldn’t surprise me. But you weren’t.

Waitress: (Pours wine from carafe into first Armelle's glass, and then Philippe’s)

Philippe Mulroney: Thank you.

Philippe Mulroney: How are things on the ground in Iowa?

Armelle Cherise: We're going to win.

Philippe Mulroney: God, I hope not. Last I saw it looked like a three way clusterfuck with low turn out helping Edwards and a high turnout helping Obama. . .and clear warm weather on caucus day.

Armelle Cherise: Obama's not ready.

Philippe Mulroney: He will be. Besides, I think we're ready. We need serious transformation, we need an end to the failed ways of the past. Establishment politics can't produce the transformative change we need in the post-Bush era.

Armelle Cherise: Hey look, Senator Clinton has spent a lifetime as a change-agent.

Philippe Mulroney: Senator CLINTON? Change Agent? Are reading me the same fucking talking points your surrogates read on Hardball?

Armelle Cherise: And when she wins you can come work with me in the White House communications office.

Philippe Mulroney: I'd love to be an Obama speechwriter. I'm far too eloquent and idealistic to write for Hillary.

Armelle Cherise: Aww, I thought maybe we could get one of those condos near the stadium?

Philippe Mulroney: I'm not going to root for Hillary to be with you.

Armelle Cherise: You know what? Fuck you, I had to pay off student loans, and car payments while you were here in Michigan playing idealist, playing idealist...playing The West Wing at the State Legislature. So why don't you get real and work for Senator Clinton after she wins the nomination? I can get you in, easy.

Philippe Mulroney: ::nods in disgust:: I mean. . .you're part of the establishment we BOTH used to fight against. You can't be trusted.

Armelle Cherise: Was I ever trusted?

Philippe: (—pauses—) Yes.

Philippe: But that was my fault.

Armelle: Oh yeah? . . .here we go.

Philippe: No no, here we don't go. We aren't going anywhere. We didn't before and we wont now.

Armelle: (::face loses composure toward frowning and tears::)

Philippe: And we never will.

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